The following
is a brief explanation of Domestic Violence, Spousal Abuse and Battery,
courtesy of
Binder’s Bail Bonds.
For immediate bail bond assistance, please contact:
Binder’s Bail Bonds
Toll Free:
1-800-957-2245
What is
domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that one person uses
against another. Abuse can be violent behaviors such as hitting, punching
and slapping, but it doesn’t have to be physical. It can include verbal and
emotional abuse. It can also involve sexual assault. It can happen to
anyone, at any age, no matter what race or religion they are, no matter what
their level of education or economic background. Domestic violence also
occurs in same-sex relationships.
The
Problem
What is Battering?
Why Do Men Batter Women?
Why Do Women Stay?
Barriers to Leaving A Violent Relationship
Predictors Of Domestic Violence
Checklist
Resources
Help List
Links
What is Battering?
Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over
another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or
use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes they are
entitled to control another. Assault, battering and domestic violence are
crimes.
Definitions: Abuse of family members can take many forms. Battering may
include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children,
threats, using male privilege, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of
other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation and power. In all
cultures, the perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family. Women
are most commonly the victims of violence. Elder and child abuse are also
prevalent. Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of the
following categories:
· Physical
Battering - The abuser’s physical attacks or aggressive behavior can range
from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial
contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks.
· Sexual
Abuse - Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or culminates
in, sexual violence wherein the woman is forced to have sexual intercourse
with her abuser or take part in unwanted sexual activity.
· Psychological
Battering -The abuser’s psychological or mental violence can include
constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the
woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic
resources, and destruction of personal property.
Battering escalates. It often begins with behaviors like threats, name
calling, violence in her presence (such as punching a fist through a wall),
and/or damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing,
slapping, and/or pinching. The battering may include punching, kicking,
biting, sexual assault, tripping, throwing. Finally, it may become
life-threatening with serious behaviors such as choking, breaking bones, or
the use of weapons.
Why Do Men Batter Women?
Many
theories have been developed to explain why some men use violence against
their partners. These theories include: family dysfunction, inadequate
communication skills, provocation by women, stress, chemical dependency,
lack of spirituality and economic hardship. These issues may be associated
with battering of women, but they are not the causes. Removing these
associated factors will not end men’s violence against women. The batterer
begins and continues his behavior because violence is an effective method
for gaining and keeping control over another person and he usually does not
suffer adverse consequences as a result of his behavior.
Historically, violence against women has not been treated as a "real" crime.
This is evident in the lack of severe consequences, such as incarceration or
economic penalties, for men guilty of battering their partners. Rarely are
batterers ostracized in their communities, even if they are known to have
physically assaulted their partners. Batterers come from all groups and
backgrounds, and from all personality profiles. However, some
characteristics fit a general profile of a batterer:
 | A
batterer objectifies women. He does not see women as people. He does not
respect women as a group. Overall, he sees women as property or sexual
objects. |
| A
batterer has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the
world. He may appear successful, but inside he feels inadequate.
|
| A
batterer externalizes the causes of his behavior. He blames his violence
on circumstances such as stress, his partner’s behavior, a "bad day,"
alcohol or other factors. |
| A
batterer may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence, and
is often seen as a "nice guy" to outsiders.
|
|
Some behavioral warning signs of a potential batterer include extreme
jealousy, possessiveness, a bad temper, unpredictability, cruelty to
animals and verbal abusiveness. |
Why Do Women Stay?
All too
often the question "Why do women stay in violent relationships?" is answered
with a victim blaming attitude. Women victims of abuse often hear that they
must like or need such treatment, or they would leave. Others may be told
that they are one of the many "women who love too much" or who have "low
self-esteem." The truth is that no one enjoys being beaten, no matter what
their emotional state or self image.
A
woman’s reasons for staying are more complex than a statement about her
strength of character. In many cases it is dangerous for a woman to leave
her abuser. If the abuser has all of the economic and social status, leaving
can cause additional problems for the woman. Leaving could mean living in
fear and losing child custody, losing financial support, and experiencing
harassment at work.
Although there is no profile of the women who will be battered, there is a
well documented syndrome of what happens once the battering starts. Battered
women experience shame, embarrassment and isolation. A woman may not leave
battering immediately because
|
She realistically fears that the batterer will become more violent and
maybe even fatal if she attempts to leave; |
|
Her friends and family may not support her leaving; |
|
She knows the difficulties of single parenting in reduced financial
circumstances; |
|
There is a mix of good times, love and hope along with the manipulation,
intimidation and fear; |
|
She may not know about or have access to safety and support.
|
Barriers to Leaving A Violent Relationship
Reasons why women stay generally fall into three major
categories:
Lack of Resources:
|
Most women have at least one dependent child. |
|
Many women are not employed outside of the home. |
|
Many women have no property that is solely theirs. |
|
Some women lack access to cash or bank accounts. |
|
Women who leave fear being charged with desertion, and losing children
and joint assets. |
| A
woman may face a decline in living standards for herself and her
children. |
Institutional Responses:
|
Clergy and secular counselors are often trained to see only the goal of
"saving" the marriage at all costs, rather than the goal of stopping the
violence. |
|
Police officers often do not provide support to women. They treat
violence as a domestic "dispute," instead of a crime where one person is
physically attacking another person. |
|
Police may try to dissuade women from filing charges.
|
|
Prosecutors are often reluctant to prosecute cases, and judges rarely
levy the maximum sentence upon convicted abusers. Probation or a fine is
much more common. |
|
Despite the issuing of a restraining order, there is little to prevent a
released abuser from returning and repeating the assault. Ñ Despite
greater public awareness and the increased availability of housing for
women fleeing violent partners, there are not enough shelters to keep
women safe. |
Traditional Ideology:
|
Many women do not believe divorce is a viable alternative.
|
|
Many women believe that a single parent family is unacceptable, and that
even a violent father is better than no father at all.
|
|
Many women are socialized to believe that they are responsible for
making their marriage work. Failure to maintain the marriage equals
failure as a woman. |
|
Many women become isolated from friends and families, either by the
jealous and possessive abuser, or to hide signs of the abuse from the
outside world. The isolation contributes to a sense that there is
nowhere to turn. |
|
Many women rationalize their abuser’s behavior by blaming stress,
alcohol, problems at work, unemployment or other factors.
|
|
Many women are taught that their identity and worth are contingent
upon getting and keeping
a man. |
|
The abuser rarely beats the woman all the time. During the non-violent
phases, he may fulfill the woman’s dream of romantic love. She believes
that he is basically a "good man." If she believes that she should hold
onto a "good man," this reinforces her decision to stay. She may also
rationalize that her abuser is basically good until something bad
happens to him and he has to "let off steam."
|
Predictors Of Domestic Violence
The
following signs often occur before actual abuse and may serve as clues to
potential abuse:
- Did he grow up in
a violent family? People who grow up in families where they have been
abused as children, or where one parent beats the other, have grown up
learning that violence is normal behavior.
- Does he tend to
use force or violence to "solve" his problems? A young man who has a
criminal record for violence, who gets into fights, or who likes to act
tough is likely to act the same way with his wife and children. Does he
have a quick temper? Does he over-react to little problems and
frustration? Is he cruel to animals? Does he punch walls or throw things
when he’s upset? Any of these behaviors may be a sign of a person who
will work out bad feelings with violence.
- Does he abuse
alcohol or other drugs? There is a strong link between violence and
problems with drugs and alcohol. Be alert to his possible drinking/drug
problems, particularly if he refuses to admit that he has a problem, or
refuses to get help. Do not think that you can change him.
- Does he have
strong traditional ideas about what a man should be and what a woman
should be? Does he think a woman should stay at home, take care of her
husband, and follow his wishes and orders?
- Is he jealous of
your other relationships—not just with other men that you may know—but
also with your women friends and your family? Does he keep tabs on you?
Does he want to know where you are at all times? Does he want you with
him all of the time?
- Does he have
access to guns, knives, or other lethal instruments? Does he talk of
using them against people, or threaten to use them to get even?
- Does he expect
you to follow his orders or advice? Does he become angry if you do not
fulfill his wishes or if you cannot anticipate what he wants?
- Does he go
through extreme highs and lows, almost as though he is two different
people? Is he extremely kind one time, and extremely cruel at another
time?
- When he gets
angry, do you fear him? Do you find that not making him angry has become
a major part of your life? Do you do what he wants you to do, rather
than what you want to do?
- Does he treat you
roughly? Does he physically force you to do what you do not want to do?
Checklist
Look over the
following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat
your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts
down the other person, it’s abuse.
Does
your partner....
____ Embarrass or
make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
____ Put down your
accomplishments or goals?
____ Make you feel
like you are unable to make decisions?
____ Use intimidation
or threats to gain compliance?
____ Tell you that
you are nothing without them?
____ Treat you
roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
____ Call you several
times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
____ Use drugs or
alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
____ Blame you for
how they feel or act?
____ Pressure you
sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
____ Make you feel
like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
____ Prevent you from
doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
____ Try to keep you
from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach
you a lesson"?
Do
You...
____ Sometimes feel
scared of how your partner will act?
____ Constantly make
excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
____ Believe that you
can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
____ Try not to do
anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
____ Feel like no
matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
____ Always do what
your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
____ Stay with your
partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke
up?
If any of these are
happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the
abuse will continue.
Help List
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Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (334)
832-4842
|
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Alaska Network on Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault -
(907) 586-3650
|
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Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (602)
279-2900
|
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Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence -
(800) 269-4668
|
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California Alliance Against Domestic Violence -
(916) 444-7163
|
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Statewide California Coalition for Battered Women - (888)
722-2952
|
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Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (303)
831-9632
|
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Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence -
(860) 282-7899
|
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Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (302)
658-2958
|
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DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence -(202)
299-1181 |
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Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence -
(850) 425-2749
|
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Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (404) 209-0280
|
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Hawaii State Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (808) 832-9316
|
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Idaho Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence - (208) 384-0419
|
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Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (217) 789-2830
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Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (317) 917-3685
|
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Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence -(515) 244-8028
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Kansas Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic Violence - (785) 232-9784
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Kentucky Domestic Violence Association - (502) 695-2444
|
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Louisiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (504) 752-1296
|
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Maine Coalition for Family Crisis Services - (207) 941-1194
|
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Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence - (301) 352-4574
|
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Jane Doe, Inc./MA Coalition Against Sexual & Domestic
Violence-(617)248-0922 |
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Michigan Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (517) 347-7000
|
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Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women - (651) 646-6177
|
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Mississippi Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (601) 981-9196
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Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (573) 634-4161
|
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Montana Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (406) 443-7794
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Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition - (402) 476-6256
|
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Nevada Network Against Domestic Violence - (775) 828-1115
|
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New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence - (603)
224-8893 |
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New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women -(609) 584-8107
|
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New Mexico State Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (505) 246-9240
|
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New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence -(518) 482-5465
|
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North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (919) 956-9124
|
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North Dakota Council on Abused Women’s Services - (701) 255-6240
|
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Ohio Domestic Violence Network - (614) 781-9651 |
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Action Ohio Coalition for Battered Women - (614) 221-1255
|
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Oklahoma Coalition on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault - (405)
848-1815 |
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Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence - (503) 365-9644
|
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Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence
- (717) 545-6400 |
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Comision Para Los Asuntos De La Mujer , Puerto Rico - (787) 721-7676
|
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Rhode Island Council on Domestic Violence - (401) 467-9940
|
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South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
-(803) 256-2900 |
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South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault -
(605) 945-0869 |
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Tennessee Task Force Against Family Violence - (615) 386-9406
|
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Texas Council on Family Violence - (512) 794-1133 |
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Utah Domestic Violence Advisory Council - (801) 538-4635
|
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Vermont Network Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault - (802)
223-1302 |
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Virginians Against Domestic Violence - (757) 221-0990
|
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Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (360) 586-1022
|
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West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (304) 965-3552
|
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Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence - (608) 255-0539
|
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Wyoming Coalition Against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault-(307)
755-5481 |
|
Women’s Resource Center, Virgin Islands - (809) 776-3966
|
|
Women’s Coalition of St. Croix, Virgin Islands - (340) 773-9272 |
Links
National
Domestic Violence Hotline:
http://www.ndvh.org/
Family
Violence Prevention Fund: http://fvpf.org/
National
Coalition Against Domestic Violence:
http://www.ncadv.org
National
Network to End Domestic Violence:
http://www.nnedv.org
National
Resource Center (NRC), a project of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against
Domestic Violence800/537-2238:
http://www.pcadv.org
National
Organization for Women:
http://63.111.42.146/home/default.asp
Violence
Against Women Office:
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo/
Women
Matter
http://www.womenmatter.com/indes.shtml
How We Can Help:
Please call us 24 hours a day at 1-800-957-2245. An experienced, professional bail
bond agent will immediately assist you and answer all of your bail related questions.
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